my heart, my pain, wont cover up.

I think that I have become so good at covering up hurt and pain, that I have come to think it no longer exists within me. And then one day, I will be sitting [driving usually] and a song will play and all emotion will rush to the surface. And it's at that time that I realize I have not built a friendship close enough to anyone that I can actually open up to.
And then I think of who I could.
And its not the person you [or I] would expect.

And then I realize... I open up to the people that open up to me. I trust very little people. And I hate that. But when someone trusts me, I trust them back.

In conclusion, I need Jesus.


Ok... so other than that little spurt, today I decided to continue with commuter reading. This never really ceased, but I have been taking homework along that usually occupied most of the train ride. Today, although I have homework that must be done by the end of tonight, I left it. For without it, I must focus on my commuter reading. Which means I must focus on myself. Which means my focus will turn toward how God is working in my life... and then I can gain more insight into his true nature.

Nooone has answered me on how to seek Gods face. It is partially my fault for not asking the person I really need to, and I will do that tonight. But other than that, you are doing me a great disservice. For I want to understand that phrase better. So I can move it into action.


And then one more opinion:
Should I stay in Houston? or should I move back to Dallas for a year or two?

Let me give you a short list of pros for each:
Houston pros:
- I am a youth leader and about to begin a dance ministry.
- I can begin school at U of H in January.
- I am close to the parents. and friends.
- I have a job.
Dallas pros:
- I can go back to TCU Fall 2007 and not have to retake so many courses. [the big one]
- I have friends moving up there in the fall that I can live with.
- I can finish what I started.
- I have friends in Dallas too.
[cons for dallas include no job, no church, no more being a youth leader with a dance ministry, and the possibility of making yet another mistake.]