i have a speck of hope. laugh at it.

the question of the day: (and yes, this is another laying in bed at night thought... it is where i do my best thinking)

do you ever feel like you are setting yourself up for disappointment?

hah. it makes me laugh at myself. my life is full of this.
its like the little speck of hope that something will happen outweighs the myriad of reasons why it wont. what an imbalance. what a perfect imbalance. irony?
it speaks though.
isnt it strange? isnt it beautiful? is it?

and assuming this is not a flaw, and is not only characteristic of lauren, what does it say about the nature of humanity?
what does it say about the nature of God?

hmm.
i was thinking on the long commute in today [since i finished velvet elvis], if there were any examples that i can think of where God's nature is reflective of this. say... we who are mostly sinners, have that speck of good in us that is enough to perpetuate the pouring out of grace over our lives. is that even analogous?? who knows, but dare i dream.
what else?

and even so, just because it makes sense that something isnt going to work out, does that mean it wont? it seems like it is those things that we should pursue most fervently. it requires more of us. more heart. and so, surely the growth once the pursuit is over [regardless of the outcome] is exponentially greater. and what if it does work out, doesnt that reflect on the faithfulness of God? its real. its real to us. and it will show itself in our lives if we let it. so why not let God shine? this is where He will have his greatest moments.


you would laugh at me if you knew what situation sent me on this ramble. i laugh at myself. sarah laughs at me. and yet, couldnt God reveal a little more of Himself to me through this? no matter how frivolous the situation.


or am I making this about God?
does this have nothing to do with him?
am i making it about Him, so i can either claim his faithfulness or give me a reason not to be disappointed if it never happens and place the whole thing under the ever-so-comforting title of "Gods will"?
"I guess it just wasn't God's will for my life."


HAH.