Down in my heart, hey!

My belief is that God is trying to teach me a lesson. And I think I am refusing to learn it. Not because I don't want to but because the lesson is hard and it takes heartache.

Joy.

I believe that there is a joy that comes from God. This is a joy that is everlasting. Always there. Never gone. You can have complete joy in God. Joy and happiness are different. Happiness is momentary. I'm happy when I eat a burrito from Chipotle. But that burrito doesn't give me joy. Joy is everlasting. My happiness from my burrito only lasts until it is digested, and my body begins to beg for more food. How human. Not everlasting, but rather very ephemeral. That is happiness.
But what my soul longs for is joy.

I think too much of my emotion is dependent on my external circumstances. I carnally derive my joy from the relationships in my life, my success, the things that happen to me. But I really think God is trying to get me to a place where all my joy comes from Him. It is not fleeting. In that, my emotions are stabilized. I become stronger. I become more.
Joy that comes from the inside out, not the outside in.

I want the fullness of joy that God has for me.
I want to learn the lesson.
But I am scared of the test.