who's holding ME up??

ahhh this weekend was Dance Revolution...
I've been going every year since it started minus last year, I couldn't make it. But its always good. Sarah and I had a good flying experience there. We arrived with nowhere to stay [we're avid believers in living in the now], so we ended up purchasing a hotel room for one night. I'm not going to continue on the moment-to-moment replay, but let's get to sunday morning.
Every sunday morning at Dance Revolution, they have a church service and a production by the teachers. It always is directly from God and breaks the hearts of the thousand or so dancers in the room. Every year it breaks mine. Every year for a different reason.
This year, my walk has changed. I left my studio last week to pursue youth ministry with my whole heart. What am I thinking?? Sometimes I dont understand why I think I can do it, but I know I can. All my friends are dancers. That's all I know. And now I am trying to do something completely different. I used to be upset that im not a amazing fabulous dancer, but there's something bigger for me to pursue. I will always dance. I hope by the grace of God that I will always dance. But my call is farther than that. Dance is my worship, not my calling. And I discovered my heart for youth ministry at Dance Revolution four years ago or so, and in God's plan, that is where he had me the week that I dropped what I new and took a step into the shadows. I pray that next year I will be at Dance Revolution with my NCC dance team. That would make my heart smile.

Anyway, my call into youth ministry is always reconfirmed. The greatest feeling I know is when I am able to help or comfort a student. To be there. When they let me be there.
But yesterday morning, I felt discouraged. There are adults in my life that I look up to as spiritual leaders. And I have slowly realized that they're not as interested in being my spiritual leaders as I am interested in having them as mine. It breaks my heart. Where are the adults that have been a part of my life for 4, 5, 6 years?? Why aren't they helping me?? Why do I have to have a stranger pray for my dance team because I don't feel like anyone else will?? Now I understand why I think I will fail. Because noone actually cares if I succeed.


And then at the last moment of my hurt and pain coming to the surface, a leader gave me a hug. A leader I have never been close to, but I have always wanted to be closer to. And she spoke life into me. For that ten seconds, someone I recognize as a leader cared about what I was doing. That one word won't keep me going forever, but it got me through yesterday. And it will get me through today.


In other news, I just wanted to let you know that I am not always insanely mushy like it appears. It is just the stuff that I blog about. I mean you don't care what I do throughout my day. And even you did, it wouldn't benefit you at all. So I hope that this does a little. Plus daily things arent as interesting. Like I wouldnt blog about poking a badger with a spoon. Well, a badger. Ok, I would probably blog about poking a badger with a spoon. But not a squirrel. If I poked a squirrel with a spoon, I would let that slide.

You should have a great monday.
I know I will.